08-09-2011, 09:13 PM | #1 |
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Crawfordville, Florida
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How the fight started
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started.....
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08-09-2011, 09:35 PM | #2 |
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: P.E.I. Canada
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Re: How the fight started
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a weighing scale. And then the fight started... ------ When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... ------ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability allowance, too.' And then the fight started... ------ My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ------ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... ------ A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started..... :tongue: ------ |
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08-10-2011, 12:33 AM | #3 |
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Shannon, Georgia
Posts: 1,268
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Re: How the fight started
My wife said she wanted to go someplace she'd never been before, I said, "how about the kitchen"? and then the fight started.
The other night my wife asked me what was on TV, I said, "Dust". and then the fight started. Next! Login or Register to Remove Ads |
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08-11-2011, 05:57 PM | #4 |
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Crawfordville, Florida
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Re: How the fight started
Almost in the vain of this thread -
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, ‘You know, I was a fool when I married you.’ The Husband replied, ‘Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.’ In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. And, At their 25th wedding anniversary party everybody was having a great time but he just sat in the corner with a drink in hand looking around very depressed and when one of his friends asked him what was wrong, he said, "Just think, if I had killed my wife the day I after I got married, I'd be getting out tomorrow'. |
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08-18-2011, 08:32 PM | #5 |
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: P.E.I. Canada
Posts: 3,784
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Re: How the fight started
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while
we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend. "And that's when the fight started"... ________________________________ When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ______________________________ Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... _______________________________ I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' And then the fight started..... :tongue: Login or Register to Remove Ads |
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