Maturity

[Sarris]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING 'MARVELOUSLY MATURE' WHEN.............

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.

2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

4. Your back goes out but you stay home.

5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

8. When happy hour is a nap.

9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..

10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.

11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.

20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.

21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.

22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.

23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.

24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.

25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.

26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.

27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

29. You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.

30. You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.

31. You are so old, you exhale dust.

32. You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.

33. You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.

34. You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.

35. You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.

36. Your SS# is 7

37. You met the guy that invented pockets

38.You got to 3rd base for the first time on horse back

39. You still think indoor plumbing is uppity.

[Water Warrior 2]

Sarris, you have been spying on me. That is just too true to life. But there is a plus to everything. I have a pulse and meds can make me feel better in many cases. Won't say how many of the 39 items apply to me but it is a bunch and it is better than the alternative so far.

[Sarris]

Please feel free to add to the list as required. :crackup

[dhgeyer]

Originally Posted by Sarris

Please feel free to add to the list as required. :crackup

When you watch your favorite shows on TV, all the commercials are for laxatives, incontinence aids, arthritis medication, and denture adhesives.

[mrlmd1]

They're just catering to the biggest demographic in that time slot. Don't forget the Viagra and Cialis ads and all those depression meds for the females ( maybe because of those other ads) .

[dhgeyer]

Originally Posted by mrlmd1

They're just catering to the biggest demographic in that time slot.

Yes, well that was kind of the point of the comment.

Originally Posted by mrlmd1

Don't forget the Viagra and Cialis ads and all those depression meds for the females ( maybe because of those other ads) .

Ah yes, how could I have forgotten the ED medication commercials? How does that one go from a similar list that was going around...

"At 20 you're hoping for a BMW, now you're hoping for a BM."

[mrlmd1]

Here's another one of those--

Subj: NEW Alphabet

A is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won't float! Age before beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

Now The Alphabet:

A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?


D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line! F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.


H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L 's for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!


P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.


S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears! U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.


W for worry, now what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found. Y for another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!


I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!


HAVE A GREAT DAY !

[mrlmd1]

And to keep this theme going -

[Sarris]

Too funny Doc........

I REALLY must be getting old. I was a bit put off by a new Charmin TV commercial. It says their tissue won't leave "pieces" behind.

Didn't we used to call them "dingleberries"?? I find the whole concept of talking about "dingleberries" on TV a little gross.

Then on top of that, the website is enjoythego.com. On TV??? GROSS!!!!

I must be getting old.

:??: :puke: :??: :puke:

[Water Warrior 2]

Originally Posted by mrlmd1

And to keep this theme going -

Depends. :lol: