HiFlo-HF136 oil FILTER.

That's a funny joke. The bike hasn't started since October.

I'm heading out to get an oil filter, gas, an 18mm deep (thinwalled?) socket, and seafoam, will change oil and add gas (since I got rid of the stale stuff yesterday) when I return. How much seafoam do y'all put in? We dipped the carb in carb cleaner back in November, so it should just be a maintenance dose.

About 3 ozs will be fine. ;) :)

Maybe alantf had a premonition. thinking positive.

Ugh. Today was... let's say, unproductive.

Today the plan was to go buy the aforementioned things, change the oil, then go with a friend to meet up with a guy from craigslist who needs help fixing his house, then I was gunna go hang with some girlfriends, maybe come home and dick around with the bike a bit more...

Instead, this morning I came back from my shopping rounds and tried to take the oil plug bolt off. Unfortunately I'm lacking in spatial reasoning and spent the first 20 minutes trying--and marginally succeeding--to turn the bolt the wrong way, getting an already extremely tight bolt even tighter on. In my efforts to actually loosen it the correct way, I managed to shear off some of the metal on the bolt and scrape/bang up my hands pretty bad.

My friend came to pick me up for the craigslist thing, and when we returned from that I asked him if he would try his hand at loosening the bolt, he wanted me to try and start the bike, and at that point I realized that I didn't have my keys. We spent an hour or so looking for my keys at the house, then went back to the craigslist guy's house to look, then some more at the house. I eventually found my spare bike key, but we had to make a duplicate of the house key.

My friend decided this was the excuse he needed to finally buy the air compressor he wanted, so he did and he used a pneumatic impact to loosen the oil drain bolt on my bike, but it's dark, so I decided to leave the full oil change 'til tomorrow.

TL;DR: today kinda sucked and changing oil can be brutal.
Also, did put gas and a little oil in and try starting it up. It is turning over, but nothing else. Battery didn't drop too bad from trying to start it (still above 12v when I checked)
Tomorrow, I try again.

Rough day. A tip to loosen tight bolts in the future: use a pipe to extend the ratchets handle for leverage.

Yeah, but why use a pipe when you have an air compressor, apparently (not that I have either lying about, unless I wanted to steal some plumbing, but the roommates/landlord would probably be a bit pissy 'bout that)
I watched two Doctor Who Christmas specials back to back, so now I'm at least going to bed in a good mood.

You said the battery was above 12v. A few weeks ago when I had problems starting, and ended up buying a new battery (which cured the problem), the old battery which gave the problems was showing 12.36v, and starting was a problem, so you may need to give it a charge, to help it. Overnight at 0.6A is the ideal charge, but certainly not above 2A for a couple of hours.

Every bike parts shop in town is closed on Sundays, and I dared not put the drain bolt that'd I'd so badly mangled back on, so without the ability to put oil in, troubleshooting waits another day.
I'm not a patient person *fidgetfidget*

Patients grasshopper. It will be worth the wait. When you get a new drain bolt/plug be sure to get a new crush washer too.