Maturity

[Sarris]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING 'MARVELOUSLY MATURE' WHEN.............

1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.

2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

4. Your back goes out but you stay home.

5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

8. When happy hour is a nap.

9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..

10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.

11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.

20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.

21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.

22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.

23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.

24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.

25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.

26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.

27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

29. You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.

30. You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.

31. You are so old, you exhale dust.

32. You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school.

33. You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.

34. You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.

35. You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.

36. Your SS# is 7

37. You met the guy that invented pockets

38.You got to 3rd base for the first time on horse back

39. You still think indoor plumbing is uppity.

[Water Warrior 2]

Sarris, you have been spying on me. That is just too true to life. But there is a plus to everything. I have a pulse and meds can make me feel better in many cases. Won't say how many of the 39 items apply to me but it is a bunch and it is better than the alternative so far.

[Sarris]

Please feel free to add to the list as required. :crackup

[dhgeyer]

Please feel free to add to the list as required. :crackup

When you watch your favorite shows on TV, all the commercials are for laxatives, incontinence aids, arthritis medication, and denture adhesives.

[mrlmd1]

They're just catering to the biggest demographic in that time slot. Don't forget the Viagra and Cialis ads and all those depression meds for the females ( maybe because of those other ads) .

[dhgeyer]

They're just catering to the biggest demographic in that time slot.

Yes, well that was kind of the point of the comment.

Don't forget the Viagra and Cialis ads and all those depression meds for the females ( maybe because of those other ads) .

Ah yes, how could I have forgotten the ED medication commercials? How does that one go from a similar list that was going around...

"At 20 you're hoping for a BMW, now you're hoping for a BM."

[mrlmd1]

Here's another one of those--

Subj: NEW Alphabet

A is for apple, and B is for boat, That used to be right, but now it won't float! Age before beauty is what we once said, But let's be a bit more realistic instead.

Now The Alphabet:

A's for arthritis; B's the bad back, C's the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?


D is for dental decay and decline, E is for eyesight, can't read that top line! F is for fissures and fluid retention, G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.


H high blood pressure--I'd rather it low; I for incisions with scars you can show. J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend, K is for knees that crack when they bend. L 's for libido, what happened to sex? M is for memory, I forget what comes next. N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;O is for osteo, bones that don't grow!


P for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new! Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.


S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears, T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears! U is for urinary; troubles with flow; V for vertigo, that's 'dizzy,' you know.


W for worry, now what's going 'round? X is for X ray, and what might be found. Y for another year I'm left here behind, Z is for zest I still have-- in my mind!


I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed, and I'm keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!


HAVE A GREAT DAY !

[mrlmd1]

And to keep this theme going -

[Sarris]

Too funny Doc........

I REALLY must be getting old. I was a bit put off by a new Charmin TV commercial. It says their tissue won't leave "pieces" behind.

Didn't we used to call them "dingleberries"?? I find the whole concept of talking about "dingleberries" on TV a little gross.

Then on top of that, the website is enjoythego.com. On TV??? GROSS!!!!

I must be getting old.

:??: :puke: :??: :puke:

[Water Warrior 2]

And to keep this theme going -
Depends. :lol:

[mrlmd1]

Sarris - reminds me of an old joke--

What's the similarity between toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise?
The both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

And one for WW --

Remember the old question of which type of underwear you prefer, boxers or briefs?
When they asked that of the older Pres. Bush 41, (or was it Bob Dole?), he answered "Depends".

[mrlmd1]

Just got these in an email to add to the list.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground...
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy..
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing older is mandatory; growing up is optional...
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting older when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions...
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus..
4) You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . .. . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver's license.
At age 35 success is . . . ..having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money..
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is .. .. . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.
Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*


Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short.
Whoo-hoo!

[Sarris]

Some say that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer to the end you get, the faster it goes!

:poorbaby:

[Water Warrior 2]

Sarris - reminds me of an old joke--

What's the similarity between toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise?
The both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

And one for WW --

Remember the old question of which type of underwear you prefer, boxers or briefs?
When they asked that of the older Pres. Bush 41, (or was it Bob Dole?), he answered "Depends".
Like father like son. Leaders of a country should not come from a family where cousins marry.

[Water Warrior 2]

Lynda gave me a sticker for my Vstrom. "It's Never Too Late To Have A Happy Childhood". Works for me but the price of toys is crazy.

[mrlmd1]

I don't want to get into a bout of political humor either way, but this is for WW.

Do you mean like this?

[BusyWeb]

Just felt, I'm going to be like ... ^^

I always think that "If men had lived longer in the past time, and all the old men's knowledges are well handed over to the younger generation more for good and for all ..."
This planet may not be looked like it is now.

PS: This current centuries have different story, they are preserving the old men's wise knowledges into the digital and easily accessed by many youngers.
Hopely, we people use these experiences for the good directions.

[Water Warrior 2]

I don't want to get into a bout of political humor either way, but this is for WW.

Do you mean like this?
OMG that is so funny. I almost fell off the chair. Gotta keep this one and send it on to others who need a laugh.

[alantf]

I don't want to get into a bout of political humor

Why not? Politicians aren't good for much else. :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Water Warrior 2]

Our provincial and federal politicians have a great talent for making money. They are very good at it too. They can and do vote to give themselves a raise and more perks when the economy goes in the crapper. Good economy or bad economy they find a way to justify a bigger pay check. The only real apparent job they have is to get re-elected next term. 6 years as a member of Parliament in the Federal Gov will get them a pension that is far beyond what normal folks could hope for after 50 years on a real job.

[alantf]

The only real apparent job they have is to get re-elected next term.

What? You mean they actually have to work at getting votes? You should send them to England, Where they can toady their way into the EU Parliament. Nobody there is voted in. You just have to implement ALL EU directives, to the detrement of the people you're supposed to represent, & they'll give you a job for life, with salaries beyond your wildest dreams. :curse:

[Water Warrior 2]

The only real apparent job they have is to get re-elected next term.

What? You mean they actually have to work at getting votes? You should send them to England, Where they can toady their way into the EU Parliament. Nobody there is voted in. You just have to implement ALL EU directives, to the detrement of the people you're supposed to represent, & they'll give you a job for life, with salaries beyond your wildest dreams. :curse:
Sounds a lot like our Senate.................an old guys club that does nothing worthwhile except suck up vast amounts of money. It is an appointed position and no one really cares to show up, just collect the cash. A short time ago there was a big hubbub over a Senate member Living in Florida and rarely making it back to Canada to do his well paid "JOB". Health reasons were cited for his lack of performance. Even if he had retired from the Senate his pensions and built-in perks would have been astounding.

[mrlmd1]

The only function of a politician is to first get himself elected, then to get himself re-elected. And any bribes, contributions, kickbacks, favors, that have to be repaid, are all welcome, accepted, and anticipated. There is no government OF the people any more, special interests and big business have it made. They have many more bucks than you and me and can buy the government and reap the rewards while screwing everyone below them and the competition. Big oil, healthcare companies, banks come to mind first.
Look at Florida politics right now. 2 absolute billionaires are spending their own fortunes buying a senate seat and the governor's mansion, using no previous experience or knowledge of government function, no concrete beneficial ideas, waging real nasty demeaning derogatory campaigns against their opponents. Both of these guys got their money in suspect ways, one was the CEO of a healthcare company that was fined $1.7 Billion dollars for medicare fraud, the other made his money by investing in the financial derivatives involving the housing market bust and foreclosures. And with a billion or more dollars in the bank, why would they want to do this anyway, except to stroke their own ego, And either one of them could possible win over their valued opponents, which is the real tragedy.
End of rant, time to go out for a ride.

[dentheman]

Is this the Yahoo.News comments section?

[alantf]

Is this the Yahoo.News comments section?

No, this is the "why us honest folk could never be politicians" section!

[dhgeyer]

Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) once referred to Congress as "That grand old benevolent asylum for the helpless" where they can "Talk for a week without getting rid of an idea". The more things change, the more they stay the same. Clemens died in 1910, and his comments were made some years before that.

[Easy Rider]

Clemens died in 1910, and his comments were made some years before that.

I would hope. :roll:

:crackup

[dhgeyer]

Clemens died in 1910, and his comments were made some years before that.

I would hope. :roll:

:crackup

He also wrote that he was going to leave his skull to science so that they could study it................

and send him a report.

[Water Warrior 2]

deleted, you wouldn't believe me anyway.

[alantf]

We would! We would! Would YOU lie? :2tup:

[dhgeyer]

I don't believe it was deleted.

[Water Warrior 2]

Ow ow ow don't twist my arm. It hurts too much. Clemens comment about debating and no decision is a good one. In Edmonton where I lived for 60 years city hall could waste tax payers money on the most insane ideas that were impossible to impliment from the get go. More than once this band of politicians in the capital city of the Alberta would spend as much as 3 months debating a cat bylaw. Do they need to be tagged like dogs ? Should they be allowed to run free ? Who is responsible to clean up after them ? Should they be neutured or spayed ? This act of foolishness would crop up every few years with a different cast to display their talent and stupidity. Cats are cats. If you let one outside it will do as it pleases and there is no way to force them to behave to human standards. How can any group discuss something so dumb for so long ?

[dhgeyer]

Did they appoint a committee to study the problem first hand? I could entertain myself for a while imagining the field work involved.

[Water Warrior 2]

Did they appoint a committee to study the problem first hand? I could entertain myself for a while imagining the field work involved.
Can't honestly remember but I am sure a study group would have cost more than it was worth. And who would talk to the cats for their opinion and suggestions ?? Maybe dogs............heh heh.

[alantf]

I am sure a study group would have cost more than it was worth.


Never known that to bother a politician. After all, it's our money, not theirs, that's being wasted. :cry:

[Water Warrior 2]

I am sure a study group would have cost more than it was worth.


Never known that to bother a politician. After all, it's our money, not theirs, that's being wasted. :cry:
You got that right. Years ago they tore down city hall to build a new and improved version. All the folks working there were moved out to different leased buildings for the interm. They are still there except for the mayor and city council. They moved into the new building that was just for them. No other departments or offices. New city hall was a show piece that was large, airie and looked like a pyramid. At the time it was the most expensive building in North America for the number of folks working in it. Talk about sh*t for brains and money wasted. Tax payers were not even allowed in unless they had an appointment to see some one. Just marvelous.